The theory that "eventually, humans return to the things they were obsessed with in middle school" was proven true when I heard a rumor that a classmate who was arrested for sniffing paint thinner in middle school was arrested for meth as an adult.
Some people say, "So what if a delinquent reformed a little? The people who have been serious all along are more impressive." I don't quite feel that way.
Of course, there are degrees of bad behavior, and depending on that degree, I might never be able to forgive them. But children cannot choose their own environment, and escaping a bad environment through effort is no ordinary feat.
I have no intention of forcing this attitude on others, but at least for me, I can honestly think even of those who bullied me, "They must have worked hard to break the cycle of negativity," and I want to make an effort to look at who they are now. Also, you guys, stop talking using only screenshots from KochiKame and speak with your own mouths.
Even I, however, was completely put off when that same classmate became the student representative at graduation because he "stopped sniffing thinner," and after his speech, he sang "Junrenka" by Shonan no Kaze while crying. Because falling in love at first sight with you, who sniffed thinner, quit, and then made pasta at the graduation ceremony, makes absolutely no sense.
It shouldn't be "I was unhealthy when I was sniffing thinner..." What is that, like the antonym of a green juice commercial?
That classmate, who naturally said something that sounded like a pun—"I'm sorry, I won't 'suu' (sniff) thinner anymore"—kept his word about the thinner but moved on to meth as an adult. Don't come at me with drug-related wordplay, you're like the worst version of Ikkyu-san.
The middle school I attended was slightly rough. There were no biker gangs, but there were people sniffing thinner, and while there were no group lynchings, there were frequent scuffles that resulted in minor injuries.
For some reason, using safety pins as earrings became a huge trend. At the time, I thought, "That's so uncool," but now I think a little bit, "It's kind of cool, like Sid Vicious." I should have become Sheena Ringo and handcuffed them.
If their energy had been directed elsewhere, they might have become musicians, but the music that reached my hometown wasn't rock or punk; it was songs by the Hexagon Family, so no one ever made it to an instrument.
Many people think "you can know anything if you have the internet," but just as someone who has never touched arithmetic wouldn't suddenly search for mathematics, I know that the internet seems connected to the whole world but isn't really. Back then, if it weren't for TSUTAYA and Village Vanguard, my subculture life would have ended before it even began.
In that slightly rough middle school, another huge trend was the overly simple prank of "suddenly pushing someone from behind." It's like the Dachou Club's hot water bath gag, but without the bath.
That prank was mainly done by the delinquent boys, but everyone was a target, and of course, I became a victim too.
One day, while walking down the hallway during break, I was suddenly pushed with great force from behind toward the bathroom.
With my natural reflexes, I put my hand out against the bathroom door, but since the door opened outward, my hand unfortunately only served to swing the door open, and my body was slammed onto the bathroom floor.
Infuriated by the suddenness of it, I immediately stood up, turned toward the delinquent, and yelled, "What are you doing!!"
Then, the delinquent's smirking face changed instantly, and he eventually started wailing, saying, "I didn't mean to..." I don't think anyone has intimidated someone else just with a shout since Toguro Ototo in the Super Famicom YuYu Hakusho game.
By the way, this game is incredibly fun.
I was totally repulsed, thinking, "Why is the one who pushed me crying? Gross..." I might have actually said it out loud.
However, the delinquent kept crying and pointed at me. Following his finger, I saw that my left ring finger was bent straight outward.
Wahahaha, my finger is sideways...?
No way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way no way!!
For a moment, I didn't understand what was happening, but I panicked, and the moment comprehension caught up, I started wailing too. If anyone else had seen that moment, they would have thought we were having an emotional reunion.
By the way, because this incident traumatized me, I now make it a rule to push all doors with my fist. We're having an emotional reunion while crying, and my hands are fists—man, it's cute, like Doraemon.
After crying for a bit, I suddenly became calm and thought, "I must not let anyone worry about me," so I decided to go to the nurse's office while hiding my left ring finger with my right hand.
However, because the abnormal situation of me and the delinquent wailing in the hallway had just occurred, a crowd had already gathered, and word that my finger was broken spread through the school instantly.
Before I knew it, a group of about 30 people was walking down the hallway behind me. It wasn't exactly "The Great White Tower."
When I reached the nurse's office, I immediately explained the situation to a young female teacher who looked like Itakura-san from Impulse. By the way, this is a compliment. Itakura-san's drag is incredibly cute.
Because Itakura-san's drag is incredibly cute.
Then, when I actually showed her my finger, the nurse said, "This... is broken..." I already knew that!!!
The students who had gathered were incredibly put off by the grotesqueness of my injury.
Being a natural-born clown, I wanted to soothe everyone's hearts even a little, so I kept making jokes like, "Even if I get married, I'll be a bit hesitant to show off the ring, lol" or "It's a bit of a bargain because I can throw two forkballs at once, lol," but I felt everyone there get even more repulsed. That might have been the biggest comedic flop of my life.
I was immediately taken to an orthopedic clinic by taxi. At the time, I didn't have much knowledge and thought "orthopedics" (seikei geka) meant plastic surgery (biyo seikei), so I thought, "Plastic surgery covers a wide range!"
While moving in the taxi, the nurse was talking to her boyfriend on the phone. It's not "My student's finger is bent sideways! This is my chance to call my boyfriend!" While you're tying the red thread of fate on your pinky, my ring finger is broken enough to interfere with that red thread.
When I entered the orthopedic clinic, the walls were covered with autographs of famous athletes. I thought it was a bit funny to imagine people saying, "Um, sorry to ask while you're fixing my fracture, but can I get an autograph...?"
When I was called into the examination room, the doctor said, "This... is broken..." I told you, I know!!! If it weren't broken, this would be a miraculous visual!!!
He also said, "But it's a clean break, so you're lucky!" You, don't just fix bones; choose your words better.
Then, he suddenly pulled my finger and snapped the bent finger back straight. While I was making a "!?" face at the suddenness, the doctor was smirking happily. It was so scary that the moment I saw it, my expression became exactly like the "Zoa..." scene from Toriko.
From the next day, all the students in school became kind to me. The situation of "attracting everyone's attention by breaking a bone" is something people surprisingly long for, but when it actually happens to you, I thought, "I haven't been able to wash my hand well and it smells, so please don't come near me." It was hard to study, and my grades dropped slightly. The delinquent who injured me, far from reforming, became even more rebellious as if to run away from it. Because of my fracture, everyone's life became slightly worse. Later, after I left my hometown, I escaped the cycle of the Hexagon Family, encountered rock and roll, and picked up an electric guitar. Even now, my left hand is a bit difficult to move because of that fracture, and every time that happens, I remember that guy.
I have made a small donation to the disaster-stricken areas.
https://x.com/Yahoo_JAPAN_PR/status/2082080075512750254
Sorry! Since this is my job, I'll do some promotion too.
This essay was written specifically for promotion. To promote my recently released book, I've been writing an abnormal amount of essays. Please read my past articles too! I'd be happy if I could make you laugh!
This is a book containing 24 essays that I spent about 300 times more time writing than this one. I also wrote about living alone, part-time jobs, and coffee, so you can enjoy it in a similar way! I've also made sure that the subculture stories don't require much prior knowledge!
Thankfully, it's gone into a second printing! It was out of stock until recently, so now is your chance!! If many people pick it up, all the essays I've posted online will also become a book.
